Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
