he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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