She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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