there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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