I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
