I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
