and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize