epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
