so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
