whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
