after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
