Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
