I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
