I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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