Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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