In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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