Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
