I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
birth control should be required to get into college
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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