I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
