So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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