were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
