Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
