my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
