i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
