She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
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I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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