Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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