my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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