Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
