The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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