tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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