My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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