my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have fence marks all over my body
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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