That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
