Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
