The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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