ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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