Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
