It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
