I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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