I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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