So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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