i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
