'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Your cock deserves a montage
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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