five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize