So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
