So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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