oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
