So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
