Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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