I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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