Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i came on her dog
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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