How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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