Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
me + whiskey = a bad person
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
