she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I need moral support for this bender
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I have fence marks all over my body
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
