I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My penis needs a shock collar
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
