I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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