he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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