My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
