We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
