im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
