when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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