Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
