did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
