All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
