We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
