I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize