He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
