I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
