Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
