I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
