i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
soo... how was my night?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
