Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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