I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
