so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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