i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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