I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
one might say we're banned from that church
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
