So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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