umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
