i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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