do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
