my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
