No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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