Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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