I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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