we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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