They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
