you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
