You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My pussy is not your playground.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
