lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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