I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
there is glitter all over my balls
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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