Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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