You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i've created a new STD.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
