yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize