there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
