I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
