He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
