I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
