i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
