well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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