i jhust puked up my retainher.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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