Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
