i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
