wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
