last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
