my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
