Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
